


The Gun Party

by kethni



Series: Crossing Over [2]
Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Crossover, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25512235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: ‘Bear.’‘What?’‘Bear. Over there.’‘Where?’‘Where? Over there! Bear over there!’
Relationships: Ben Cafferty/Kent Davison
Series: Crossing Over [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848229
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	The Gun Party

It wasn’t that Ben was any kind of soya-eating, anti-fur, animals-are-people-too, vegan asshole. He ate steaks as much as any other guy.

But he was damned if he was gonna kill Bambi. Hadn’t she watched that movie? She had to know that the hunter was the bad guy. It wasn’t exactly fucking _subtle_.

Ben noticed that Kent was scowling at him. The other man was dressed up like he thought he was going to war against the damn deer.

‘What? What’s with the face?’ Ben asked.

‘Have you quite finished?’

‘I didn’t say a word.’

Kent pulled on a damn cap. Like any hat could flatten that hair. ‘You have been muttering to yourself for the past ten minutes.’

‘Have not.’ Ben tried to zip up his jacket, yanking on the zipper as it jammed.

‘Whatever the valid issues around hunting I don’t believe that invoking cartoon deer is helpful.’

Ben threw up his hands. ‘Are you gonna help me get this thing unstuck or what?’

‘Why does that sound like the title of your autobiography?’ Kent frowned again as he attempted to unjam the zipper.

‘The one chapter you appear in, anyway.’

The zipper came free and glided up to Ben’s collar.

Kent raised an eyebrow. ‘An entire chapter. I am honoured.’

Ben put his hands on his hips. ‘It’s not gonna be _about_ you. I might just mention you. Maybe. Like how much Selina hated you.’

Kent raised his eyebrow. ‘Sure. You can’t even put on a jacket without my assistance and you imagine that you could write an entire book without me essentially ghost writing it.’

Ben yanked on his gloves as he followed Kent out. ‘I could write a book. I’m a fucking amazing speech writer.’

‘Speech writing and memoir writing are two entirely different disciplines,’ Kent said, regarding a rack of guns. ‘Even if you were a gifted speech-writer.’

Ben made an obscene gesture. It was somewhat obscured by the thickness of the gloves.

‘What was that?’

‘A middle-finger because you cast aspersions on my writing.’

Kent picked up a rifle. ‘I apologise. It wasn’t my intention to imply that you were not a “fucking amazing” writer.’

Ben settled a little. ‘Good.’

‘It was my intention to state it quite clearly,’ Kent said. ‘You are a passable political speech writer. You can summarise relatively complex issues somewhat simply, but your grasp of the rhetorical techniques is very weak.’

Ben rolled his eyes. ‘You can’t do both, numb nuts. You can’t make something simple while also using clever turns of phrase.’

Kent opened the door. ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.’

Ben stamped through the door. ‘I’m not fucking Kennedy.’

‘Sadly, neither of us are.’

‘Smart ass.’

It wasn’t _that_ cold outside. Not cold enough for the way that everyone else was dressed. It made Ben a little uneasy, especially when he saw how wrapped up POTUS was. There wasn’t a lot that Gary seemed capable of understanding, least of all politically, but Ben had never seen Gary mess up how warmly she needed to dress.

‘Are we expecting a snowstorm?’ Ben muttered to Kent.

Kent shook his head. ‘But there will be a lot of lying around. Reduced movement in cold weather will doubtless lead to a certain windchill factor.’

‘Jesus, these people can even ruin lying around,’ Ben complained. ‘I’m gonna go put some more layers on.’

‘Everyone is about to move out,’ Kent protested.

Ben waved his hand. ‘We’ll catch up. Calm down. What’s the worst that’s gonna happen, we _don’t_ shoot deer? Boo-fucking-hoo.’

***

‘Bear.’

‘What?’

‘Bear. Over there.’

‘Where?’

‘Where? Over there! Bear over there!’

Kent narrowed his eyes. ‘I really don’t think it’s a good idea to raise your voice,’ he whispered.

Ben dragged his eyes away from the bear for a moment. ‘There is a fucking _bear_ thirty feet away and you’re telling me off for raising my voice?’

Kent took a step backwards. ‘I am suggesting that we endeavour not to attract it’s attention.’

‘You have a rifle!’

‘Designed for deer and not bears,’ Kent said, taking another step backwards.

Ben followed as quietly as possible. ‘Well, maybe the noise will scare it off.’

Kent sighed. ‘It might,’ he said. ‘If it were loaded.’

Ben felt as if his eyes were bugging out of his head. ‘It’s not loaded. Why the fuck isn’t it loaded?’

Kent shrugged. ‘I had no intention of shooting a… oh dear.’

Ben shifted his gaze. The bear was looking in their direction. ‘What the fuck do we do?’

Kent took a moment to answer. His breath loud and shallow. ‘We leave the area. We absolutely do not run or attempt to climb a tree.’

‘Do I look like I can run or climb a tree?’

They backed up slowly. The bear rose on to its back legs.

‘Oh shit, it’s making itself bigger than us,’ Ben moaned.

‘It was already bigger than us,’ Kent pointed out. ‘I believe that it a sign of curiosity rather than aggression.’

‘Great, I’m glad to know that I’m gonna die helping whatever the fuck a bear equivalent is of a scientific study.’

The bear moved towards them.

Kent cleared his throat. ‘We’re not here to harm you. We’re going to leave now.’

‘I don’t think it believes you.’

‘You could help,’ Kent snapped.

Ben tripped but managed not to fall. ‘Gimmie something to say then if that’s supposed to help. What’s that line about fear being the mind killer?’

Kent glanced at him. ‘How do you know that?’

‘I read that stupid book,’ Ben admitted. ‘You love it so damn much I wanted to know what the fuss was about.’

‘Oh, that’s –’

‘Tell me the damn quote, be sappy later!’ Ben insisted.

Kent cleared his throat. ‘A short version. The full is too long. “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear.” Did you get that?’

‘No!’ Ben groaned. ‘I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.’

‘Fear in the little-death that brings total obliteration,’ Kent added.

‘Isn’t that orgasm?’

Kent opened and closed his mouth. ‘What?’

Ben furrowed his brow. ‘Little death. That’s what the French call orgasm. Petit mort.’

‘Why are you thinking about this _now_?’ Kent demanded.

‘I might not live to think about it later!’

A blast of noise distracted them entirely as a group of hunters approached from behind the bear. The animal turned more quickly than Ben would have possible for a creature that size and shambled away.

‘Are they with us?’ Ben asked.

‘No.’

‘How do you know?’

‘No Secret Service,’ Kent said. He pursed his lips. ‘Also, I see Diane.’

Ben looked at him. ‘Who the fuck is Diane?’

Kent sighed. ‘My sister-in-law.’

‘You have a sister-in-law?’ Ben demanded.

‘Yes. Her name is Diane.’

Ben rolled his eyes. ‘No, shit. You never told me you had a brother. Or sister, I guess. Which is it?’

Kent was watching the other party approaching them. ‘Brother. We’re not close. Except physically.’

Ben squinted. ‘Where is he?’

‘I didn’t mean that.’ Kent shook his head. ‘He’s at the back.’

‘I don’t see…’ Ben trailed off and stared at Kent. ‘Seriously?’

Kent straightened his jacket. ‘Please don’t embarrass me.’

‘When have I ever –’

‘My word, what a surprise! We had no idea you were going to be here, Kent!’ She was the kind of beautiful that had heard about fillers and face lifts and wanted nothing to do with it, despite the expensive clothes and haircut.

‘Diane,’ Kent said with a nod. ‘We were also surprised.’

‘Not just by us,’ she said with a shudder. ‘We you warned about bears?’

‘Not a fucking word,’ Ben grumbled.

Kent shot him a look. Ben groaned internally.

‘I’m Diane,’ she said. ‘Do you know Kurt?’

‘Ben,’ he said. ‘And no.’

Kurt had a moustache and no beard. He also looked even less thrilled with the conversation than Ben did. He didn’t hold out his hand, just gave a single, short nod.

‘I really didn’t think this was your sort of thing,’ she said to Kent.

‘It’s not,’ he said. ‘We’re here with the President. Unfortunately, we became separated from the party.’ He glanced at Ben. ‘Somehow.’

Ben waved his hand. ‘You’d have rather I freeze to death?’

‘I’d rather you dress appropriately in the first place.’

Diane smiled slightly. ‘How long have you been together?’

‘Where does it show?’ Ben asked.

‘The bickering,’ she said. ‘We haven’t seen anyone else, but we can probably get you back to the lodge. What do you think, Kurt? They’ll have radios and phones there won’t they?’

He nodded once. ‘Sure.’

Ben adjusted his gloves. ‘Chatty sort.’

‘Unlike Kent I’m sure,’ she said impishly.

***

It wasn’t a long walk back to the lodge, but Ben found himself lagging behind the others. Kent and Kurt were opposite sides of the group, apparently doing their best to pretend that the other didn’t exist. Diane walked alongside Kurt. They had what Ben had once Selina derisively call a “couple walk” – bumping up against each other, hands touching now and then, and most oblivious to everyone else. They certainly didn’t seem to notice the deer that Ben spotted through the undergrowth. Kent noticed it first and threw Ben a conspiratorial wink.

‘What’s the deal with you and evil-Kent?’ Ben asked, a little out of breath.

‘I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s evil,’ Kent said.

‘But?’

He shrugged. ‘We have considerable differences of opinion in matters of politics, ethics, and morality.’

Ben shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘What, does he have some?’

Kent was not amused. ‘Kurt is a pro-life, anti-gun control, Republican.’

‘Why the fuck do we let them get away with calling themselves pro-life? It’s anti-choice.’

Kent pursed his lips. ‘Presumably for much the same reason that they allow the phrase “pro-choice” to go past without insisting on relabelling it as “pro-abortion” or similar.’

‘Pro-death,’ Ben suggested. ‘Kill all babies. No lives matter. What do you think?’

‘I think those are in spectacularly poor taste.’

Ben kicked a pile of leaves. ‘Pro-life and anti-gun control. There’s a fucking oxymoron for you.’

They approached the lodge. Diane waggled her fingers at Ben and pulled him over to one side.

‘Is this where we make out and make ‘em jealous?’ Ben asked.

She laughed lightly. ‘Wouldn’t work. Kurt doesn’t really get jealous.’

‘Neither does Kent,’ Ben admitted. ‘Me on the other hand…’

‘Oh, God I know.’ Diane shook her head. ‘Look, this is ridiculous. They’re all the other one has now, but they’re too stubborn. How long are you here? Maybe we can all have dinner or something.’

Ben scratched his scalp. ‘I don’t know jack shit about any of this. Kent’s never even mentioned Kurt before today.’

She blew out her cheeks. ‘I wish I could say I was surprised.’

Kent cleared his throat. ‘Ben, is there a problem?’

Ben looked at Diane. She seemed pretty genuine in her concern, and besides he was really overdue for annoying the hell out of Kent.

‘We’re just arranging to meet up for dinner,’ Ben said with a big, bright smile. ‘Get to know each other.’ 

Kent just sighed.

***

It was easy enough begging off the reception in the evening once Ben explained that Kent’s brother was in town. Selina was fascinated for all of about thirty seconds until she was distracted by Gary bringing in a small fruit salad. Ben shook his head. He was pretty sure that he’d pass out unconscious if he tried to live on her food for like… day. By the end of the week he’d probably end up eating Gary.

‘Oh, now you look disgusted with yourself,’ Kent grumbled.

‘I thought of something gross,’ Ben admitted.

‘Was it, I’ll force my long-suffering partner into spending time with someone he strongly dislikes?’

‘Don’t I do that to you every time I walk into the room?’

Kent was not amused. ‘You shouldn’t have agreed to have dinner with them.’

‘We have dinner with people we don’t like all the time,’ Ben said. ‘Although I don’t know what your problem is with Diane. She seems okay.’

‘My problem with her is that she does things like this and… why are you looking at me like that?’

Ben shook his head as he walked over. ‘You must be pissed. Look what a mess you’ve made of your tie.’ He slapped Kent’s hands away as he reached for the tie. ‘I’ll do it.’

‘Your solicitousness makes other people’s indifference seem desirable by comparison.’

‘What?’ Ben asked.

Kent sighed. ‘It would be nice if you could be nicer sometimes.’

‘This _is_ me being nice. I could’ve left you to go out looking like you tied the damn thing with your feet.’

Kent pulled a face. ‘You being nice involves you striking my hands and being generally abrasive.’

Ben stared at him. ‘Is this you trying to pick a fight, so you don’t have to go to dinner?’

Kent sighed again. ‘No, you know that I dislike fighting intensely. You frequently complain that I will do anything other than have much-needed confrontations.’

Ben stepped back. ‘Now you’re changing the subject. C’mon, get your little ass in gear. We’re gonna be late for dinner.’

‘Or we could cancel,’ Kent suggested.

‘Fuck that,’ Ben said. ‘This is my chance to hear about the bullshit that you got up to when you were a kid.’

‘You’ve met my mother,’ Kent said, following Ben towards the door. ‘You could’ve asked her these sorts of things.’

Ben rolled his eyes. ‘Only you would think that.’

***

It was a nice enough kind of restaurant. Ben had more experience with family restaurants than the usual kind of staffer. He’d certainly spent enough time in them when he was married. He felt Kent stiffen next to him. Yeah, he’d hate this kind of place. In a bunch of ways Kent was much more comfortable with “normal people” than Ben or most other staffers. When it came to food though, Kent was probably the most snobbish and demanding of anyone that Ben had ever met. No wonder that in all of his relationships he was the one who did all the cooking. Not that there had been any doubt there with Ben. If it didn’t come in a tin or a packet, then Ben wasn’t going to attempt to cook it.

Diane was seated at a table. Kurt’s jacket was slung over a chair next to hers.

‘He had to take a call,’ she explained.

‘People to shoot and women’s rights to abridge,’ Kent said sourly.

Diane cocked her head. ‘I hope not, I’m really quite hungry. That all sounds time-consuming.’

Ben waved a hand. ‘Ignore him. We work in politics. We don’t _care_ about them. We’d never get anything done if we went around caring about things.’

Diane pursed her lips. ‘I care about politics,’ she said. ‘Nonetheless, Kurt and I try to respect each other’s views.’

Ben looked at the menu. ‘If I respected Kent’s views, we’d have nothing to talk about.’

‘Hilarious,’ Kent said dryly.

Kurt returned from his phone call, tucking his phone into his pocket. As he walked over, Diane looked up at him and smiled sweetly. He put his hand on Diane’s shoulder as he leaned down to kiss her.

Ben pulled a face at Kent. ‘You ever get sappy like that with me and you’re sleeping on your own.’

‘What makes you think I’m not already planning on sleeping on my own tonight?’ Kent asked.

Diane chuckled. ‘Oh dear, I hope that’s not our fault.’

Kent gave her a thin and unconvincing smile.

‘I trust there were no lingering effects from your adventure this morning,’ Kurt said, looking across at them.

‘It’s a little early to know if PTSD is imminent,’ Kent said.

A server came for their drink orders.

Diane sat back in her chair. ‘How close did you get?’

‘Too fucking close,’ Ben said. ‘I prefer my heart attacks to be brought about by fatty food and no exercise not a wild animal sneaking up on me.’

‘It drew within about thirty feet of us,’ Kent said. ‘Unfortunately, any admiration of a magnificent animal was rendered impossible by the pressing fear of imminent death.’

The server brought their drinks and took their food orders.

‘You didn’t take a shot at it?’ Diane asked. ‘Even if you were armed for deer the noise might have frightened it off.’

Ben pointed his fork at Kent. ‘This one didn’t have any damn ammo.’

Kurt snorted. ‘Of course not.’

‘You didn’t even have a gun,’ Kent said to Ben.

‘So, I wasn’t as heavily laden as you were.’

Diane sipped her drink. ‘Kent, why were you carrying a gun with no ammunition? I ask purely in the spirit of scientific inquiry.’

Kent crossed his legs. ‘I didn’t wish to look out of place by not having one. While hunting, a gun rather completes the look.’

Kurt clasped his hands together. ‘Huh.’

‘Do you have a point?’ Kent demanded.

Kurt shrugged. ‘You’ve always avoided conflict at all costs.’

‘Oh boy,’ Ben muttered.

Kent narrowed his eyes. ‘Avoiding conflict is not generally considered a negative thing.’

Kurt’s lips twitched. ‘I would argue that there are times when conflict is necessary.’

‘Your willingness to argue is not the issue.’

Ben looked at Diane. ‘I was hoping for a real screaming match.’

She delicately rested her chin on her hand. ‘I think this might be the closest that you’re going to get.’

‘This is no fucking fun,’ Ben complained. ‘Tell me some shit. I have no idea what the background here is.’

Kent blew out his cheeks. ‘You don’t understand.’

‘I’ve just been saying that!’

‘You’re an only child,’ Kent said. ‘Relationships with siblings are complex.’

‘He’s taking shots at you for being shit at confrontation and you’re pissed at him for his politics,’ Ben said. ‘How’re those complex?’

Kent and Kurt exchanged looks.

‘Those are excuses. Not reasons,’ Kurt said.

‘You frequently are aggressive towards me when what is actually irritating you might be something completely different,’ Kent said. ‘Or nothing whatsoever to do with me.’

Diane sipped her wine. ‘My goodness, do you take your irritation out on Kent, Ben?’

Ben shrugged. ‘He’s really fucking annoying.’

Kurt pursed his lips as he looked at Kent. ‘I suppose that you allow yourself to be mistreated in this fashion without any protest.’

Kent rolled his eyes as the server brought his food. ‘Ben’s verbal assaults are not to be taken seriously and I do not.’

‘Hey!’

‘Your track record of judgement is poor,’ Kurt said darkly.

Kent winced. ‘I acknowledge the accuracy of that statement while pointing out that previous mistakes are not proof of current errors.’

Diane leaned towards Ben. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Whatever Kurt is talking about happened but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen now,’ Ben said. ‘I think.’

Kent cleared his throat. ‘Kurt is suggesting that your manner of speaking to me indicates an abusive nature.’

Diane’s eyes widened as she looked at Kurt. ‘What?’

Kurt put his hands on the table. ‘I’m merely pointing out that it wouldn’t be the first time.’

Ben leaned back in his chair and looked at Kent. ‘This is about Jerry?’

‘I would’ve dealt with him,’ Kurt said, poking his food with his fork.

Kent sighed. ‘I don’t need my big brother to ride in on white horse and save me.’

‘Experience suggests otherwise,’ Kurt said.

Kent narrowed his eyes but said nothing.

Diane licked her lips. ‘Are you having a dessert, Ben?’

He blinked. ‘Huh? Uh. Dessert. Yeah. I’m totally feeling something with lots of cream and sugar.’

Kent squeezed the bridge of his nose. ‘You having a heart attack is not how I saw my evening going.’

‘That’s not how it works,’ Ben said.

Diane pulled her cell phone out. ‘Damn, I have to take this. Excuse me.’

‘Can I come with you?’ Ben asked.

‘Hilarious,’ Kent said sourly.

***

Ben loosened his belt and tried to get comfortable. He shouldn’t have had the second bowl of ice cream. Or the remains of Kent’s crème brûlée. Or that second whiskey.

‘I trust that you’re not going to announce that you need the bathroom,’ Kent said dryly as he started the car engine.

‘You’d just tell me that I should’ve gone before we left.’

‘You should.’

Ben looked across at him. ‘You still pissed that I made you go to dinner with them?’

‘Yes.’

Ben checked his phone. ‘Diane seemed okay. Smart lady. Not a crazy right-winger.’

Ken took a turn. ‘She’s a lawyer.’

Ben grunted. ‘Never met one of those I could trust as far as I could throw them.’

‘Precisely.’

Ben replied to a text. ‘Seems like she and Kurt are pretty honeymoon-y. How long have they been together?’

Kent pursed his lips. ‘I believe they’ve been married for six years although they had an on and off relationship before that.’

‘Great, your brother’s marriage is more successful than any of mine.’

Kent snorted. ‘He cheated on her. Then while they were separated, she cheated on him.’

‘Oh,’ Ben said. ‘That sounds _way_ more like my marriages.’

‘That certainly bodes well for our relationship.’

Ben scratched his head. ‘They still seem crazy about each other.’ 

Kent shrugged. ‘I still struggle to believe that he did it. I thought he had more sense.’

‘Is that why he’s mad at you?’

Kent shook his head. ‘We’ve never been close. He took our father’s part in the divorce. Chose to live with him.’ He glanced at Ben. ‘He’s really not good at communicating his thoughts or feelings. It can be extremely frustrating to deal with.’

‘Huh. Can’t imagine what that’s like,’ Ben said sardonically.

‘It’s a common issue with men of a certain age,’ Kent said. ‘It’s as much a problem for you as it is for people who care for you.’

‘I was talking about you, not me!’

‘If that’s what you choose to believe,’ Kent said.

‘Asshole.’ Ben’s chubby thumbs poked at this cell phone.

‘Who do you keep texting?’

‘Diane.’

Kent sighed heavily. ‘Please tell me that you aren’t arranging another tortuous meal.’

‘Okay, I won’t tell you,’ Ben said.

Kent shook his head. ‘I’m going to invite all your ex-wives to Christmas dinner.’

Ben put his hand on Kent’s thigh. ‘I’ll give you a blowie when we get home.’

‘That is the very least you should do,’ Kent said. ‘And yet you will likely stumble into the bedroom and immediately fall asleep, snoring.’

Ben scowled. ‘I bet Kurt wouldn’t turn me down.’

‘Please don’t bring up my brother in a conversation about oral sex,’ Kent said distastefully.

‘I think we know which brother is the sexy one,’ Ben teased.

Kent shot him a look. ‘I think we know whose partner is going to scratch their ass, fall into bed with their socks on, break wind loudly during oral sex, and then stagger off afterwards loudly announcing they need a pee.’

Ben scratched his temple. ‘Jeez, and she seemed so graceful.’

Kent chuckled despite himself. ‘Don’t smile. I’ve not forgiven you.’

‘You will.’ Ben stretched out in his seat. ‘You always do.’

The End.


End file.
